Standing on the precipice, kind of frozen, no movement discerned yet little by little the edge crumbles from underneath causing the feet to slip and the earth to dip. And one wonders why it just doesn't give way in one go, perhaps would a complete fall be easier than an inch by inch slide. That's where Mom & I stand today. She is bedridden, immobile on Oxygen support, rambling, lost in some foggy-scape that I can't reach. She talks of going, lifts her arms as if someone is waiting to pick her up and then her feeble arms fall back again.
And I have a question for the Everlasting One! Why? Why must you drag it out, why must the good,pure of soul & heart suffer? Why must they stretch to reach you, when they have indicated willingness to depart and have surrendered to you? And why doesn't our medical fraternity realize and understand that it is time to let go, let the physical healer step back & the ultimate healer step in. Wherewithal the need for tests, for invasions, for increasing/causing indignity? Do you think, we as family, would castigate you, if you were to say: no more, just keep them comfortable and this is what you need to do?
Also, is it wrong of me as a daughter to wish for her release from suffering instead of asking for healing and recovery. To my mind, the ultimate healing will come from her being lifted out and away from this mortal world into one which only embodies the Everlasting one, peace, love and no pain (Or I would have me believe that is so)
PS. This was written much before Dec 30. I have let it be, maybe at some point in the future will subsume it into a bigger/wider post
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